This week

Sasha -

So...remember when I said I wasn’t gonna fill you in on this week because I didn’t think you could handle going through it all over again? I changed my mind. You’ve gotta know all of this whether you like it or not, and I know that you won’t, but it’s important that you know. Some of this is gonna be hard to read, and some of this is probably gonna be really hard to read, so here goes nothing:

I showed up on early Sunday morning and, as usual, I have really bad timing. No surprises there. Nothing of importance really happened that day except that I found out that Joey is Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing. Oh, and I finished half of your gummy bears. Who needs a pound of gummies anyway? Or, wait, did you buy them for me knowing I’d be coming around soon? If so, thanks. If not...well, I’ve replaced them, so I really don’t think you can complain.

On Monday you were nearly kidnapped on your way home from work. You already know this, but here’s what really happened. Some bad guys tried to grab you and throw you into a van, and you had a hard time fighting back because your arms were pinned down so you bounced away with one of them. You couldn’t get away from him in time and, well, you know what happens when we teleport with living things. Dick saw the whole thing and he tried to make sure that you were okay afterwards, but you were pretty annoyed at him for some reason. You went through the security footage at the hospital the next day and scrubbed all of the questionable stuff out so that no one would see that you teleported and exploded someone in the process. Then you went to some big thing with your friends and had a bunch of free food, and I left notes about all of that for you on your phone.

Bee tee dubs, this whole leaving you notes thing is starting to make me feel like your personal assistant, and that’s really not okay since I’m not getting paid for my services. Free labor is so passé. I accept payment in candy and/or a modest allowance.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty quiet for you, all things considered. I ran a very professional experiment, you know, for science, and determined that the best pizza place near you is Ernesto’s, and they deliver, which is an added bonus. Locale is a close second but Ernesto’s has better and garlickier garlic knots. You’re welcome.

Thursday was REALLY intense. You were supposed to go into space with Anya but then you went to go look for Joey instead, since he was supposed to go too but didn’t show up. While you were looking for him near the hospital, you were kidnapped again and were thrown into the back of a van where you saw that they had taken Joey too, and this time he was actually Joey and not Dick. You didn't wanna bounce out and leave him behind, so you scared the lackeys by ‘porting into the front seat next to them. They freaked out and crashed the van, and one guy died but you and Joey were able to get away. The other bad guy caught up with you guys and your powers stopped working so he was able to catch you and managed to get you tied up while he figured out what to do. It got pretty bad and you both thought you were gonna die so there was this big, dramatic sharing of feelings and it was pretty gross. Like, really gross. It was like that scene in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World where Michael Cera tells Mary Elizabeth Winstead that he's in lesbians with her, but less funny and even more awkward, if it's even possible, because it was like you channeled both Michael and Mary Elizabeth. Even I don't know how you do it and I'm like the queen of awkwardness and poor timing. ANYWAY. Joey started running his mouth at the bad guy to protect you and distract him while you tried to get your super strength back so that you could get the two of you untied, and eventually you were able to, but he was pretty beaten up and hurt by the end of it. You hurled the van towards the last baddie, made sure Joey was stable and safe, and then bounced out to get Anya, Elsa, June, and some others to help get him back to safety. There was a big fight once everyone showed up at the scene, but the good guys won out in the end, and you were all able to get Joey to the medical bay at S.T.A.R. Labs where June used her powers to heal him.

Friday and Saturday were quiet until some guys broke into June and Kara’s apartment, probably the same group of bad guys who kept trying to kidnap you this week. Their apartment was broken into and they got into a big thing with some lackeys, and you and a few others went over there afterwards to help clean up and make sure they were okay.

Your to do list:

• Stop getting kidnapped.
• Try to check in with Elena/Helena more. I’m going to be Huntress one day, you know. But with blonde hair. You’ve already got a head start.
• Check in with Cece. She was a badass this week and June probably saved your boyfriend’s life.
• Speaking of...quit being so rambly and say what you mean. You do it at work all the time and you can do it with your friends and family, too. It’s really not that hard and it would make a lot of things way easier for you.
• In about three weeks or so, buy more ice cream, but not butter pecan. Butter pecan is gross.

Until next time,
- Charlie

P.S. I'm serious about the kidnapping thing. It's annoying.